


let the wolves come crashing through

by Nearly



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Fluff, Funny, Gen, This is pretty much a crack fic, Werewolves, buck is forgetful about important things, but also vampires?, eddie is confused by teeth, i don't know don't ask, i don't know what to tag this i'm an angst writer, i wrote it after an anon ask on tumblr, idk what this is, this is a joke, werewolf vampire hybrids
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:34:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26185768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nearly/pseuds/Nearly
Summary: "Let me get this straight," Eddie says twenty minutes later, leaning back against his seat. "You're...a what?""Werewolf-vampire hybrid," Buck explains again, smiling hesitantly."And you've always been that," Eddie says."Yeah," Buck agrees."Okay," Eddie says. He's still staring at Buck like it hasn't quite clicked, like he doesn't understand, but he's nodding. "Okay. I'm, uh—I'm gonna need a minute, I think."aka literally 2k of dumb jokes because I couldn't stop thinking about an anon message I got on tumblr
Relationships: Evan “Buck” Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 22
Kudos: 120





	let the wolves come crashing through

**Author's Note:**

> yeah i meant for this to be a joke and then i wrote like 1.5k more than i intended by accident

“Buck,” Eddie says, “Halloween isn’t until  _ next  _ month.”

“Eddie,” Buck parrots, “I’m aware of that fact, thanks.”

They're at the station, settling down after a call. The crew is spread over the couches, taking whatever rest they can before the alarm rings again; and, as usual, that means they devolve into ribbing and jokes at the other's expense. Buck had just finished laughing uproariously at Hen's last quip when Eddie had cut in, and honestly, he's not entirely sure whether or not this is the lead up to a joke.

"Right," Eddie says. He lifts an eyebrow. "So what's with the teeth?" 

Buck blinks at him. "...the teeth?" 

"Yeah," Eddie insists, narrowing his eyes. "It looks like you're wearing fake fangs, or something."

Buck just looks even more confused. He opens his mouth to respond, and Eddie catches another flash of those sharp canines—unnaturally sharp. Like he's wearing some knock-off party store vampire teeth.

Buck gapes for a second, and then intelligently says, "Huh?"

"The  _ teeth,  _ man," Eddie repeats. "Why are they so sharp? What the hell are you wearing them for?" 

Eddie glances at Hen and Chim, and they're both just staring at him. Did they not see it? Why aren't they saying anything? 

"Eddie," Buck says slowly. He still looks so openly, adorably baffled. "...these are just my teeth." 

Eddie stares at him. He stares back. Neither of them blink. 

"I'm so confused," Eddie says finally. "Is this a prank or something?" 

Buck shares a look with Hen and Chim, tilts his head. Eddie looks back and forth between them. And then, suddenly, Buck sits up.

_ "Oh," _ he says, like he's just had a realization. "Oh my god, did I not tell you?" 

"Tell me what?" 

Hen snorts, and Buck shoots her a glare. Eddie has  _ no _ idea what's happening.

"I thought you  _ knew,"  _ Buck groans. "This is going to take  _ so  _ much explaining—" 

He cuts himself off and pinches the bridge of his nose. He looks up helplessly at Chim, then at Hen, but they both shrug. 

"You're on your own for this one, Buckaroo," Chim says. Buck sighs.

"Okay, okay," Buck says, and hops to his feet. "Come on."

He grabs Eddie by the wrist and practically drags him from the room, heading for the stairs. Hen and Chimney's laughter follows them from the loft, all the way to the bay doors, and Eddie is still hopelessly lost.

* * *

"Let me get this straight," Eddie says twenty minutes later, leaning back against his seat. "You're...a what?"

They're holed up in the back of the firetruck, for privacy, which is really mostly for Eddie's benefit—Buck knows most people don't react well when informed that their best friend is a so-called "creature of the night" and they  _ didn't notice. _ It had taken a little demonstration to get Eddie to believe him, believe he wasn't just pranking, and now the poor guy is looking a little shell-shocked. 

"Werewolf-vampire hybrid," Buck explains again, smiling hesitantly. "Uh, the scientific classification is _homo lycanthropus vampiris._ Or something. Technically." 

"And you've always been that," Eddie says. 

"Yeah," Buck agrees. 

"And you're not just fucking with me," Eddie says again. He still looks unsure of the whole thing. 

"Definitely not just fucking with you," Buck agrees again. 

"Show me again," Eddie demands. Buck does. 

"Okay," Eddie says. He's still staring at Buck like it hasn't quite clicked, like he doesn't understand, but he's nodding. "Okay. I'm, uh—I'm gonna need a minute, I think." 

"Right, yeah," Buck says. "You want me to just…?" 

He gestures at the half-open door of the truck, already climbing out of his seat to head for it before Eddie can even agree. He hops out and shoots a look at Hen and Chimney, who are peeking over the railing of the loft to look down at him. Hen raises an eyebrow, and Buck just shrugs. He glanced back at Eddie, who's staring at his hands with a confused furrow to his brow, then backs away. The guy needs a minute. That's understandable. He needs to process.

And then the alarm rings. 

Buck hoists himself back into the truck on instinct, sliding in next to Eddie like usual. He cringes at the look on Eddie's face and offers, "Sorry." 

Then the others climb in across from them and they're off. They still have jobs to do—processing will have to wait. 

* * *

A few tense calls later, the crew piles back into the station for the end of their shift. Eddie had been quiet since his talk with Buck, and the others had let him be for a time—but now, as they're stripping their gear in the locker room and packing up to head home, he's looking at Buck like he wants to start asking questions.

"So you're like, half vampire, half werewolf, right?" Eddie asks, as the locker room empties out. Buck straightens up with his duffel bag slung over his shoulder. 

"I guess?" Buck shrugs. He's not usually comfortable with all the questions, so he's a little on edge. But this is Eddie, so he'll deal. 

"Does that mean your dad was a werewolf, your mom was a vampire, or something?" 

"Other way around, but yeah." 

"So you were like...a werewolf vampire baby." 

"Yeah?" Eddie zips up his own bag and slings it over his shoulder, heading for the door. Buck follows. 

"I bet you had a crazy biting phase as a kid," Eddie says, flashing a grin. Buck lets out a startled laugh, because that's  _ definitely  _ not the direction he thought this was going to go. 

"Wait, is Maddie—" Eddie starts, and his eyes go wide again. 

"Yes," Buck says before he can finish, "We both are. Did you seriously just not notice?" 

"I'm not exactly the most observant," Eddie grumbles. He unlocks his truck and grabs Buck's bag from him, slinging it into the back seat alongside his own. 

Buck hops into the passenger seat, and it's quiet for another moment as they pull out of the parking lot and onto the road. He fiddles with the radio for a moment, trying to find a good station, but he can see Eddie fidgeting out of the corner of his eye, so he gives up and flips it off again.

"Alright, spit 'em out," Buck sighs, shooting Eddie an unimpressed look. "I know you've got more questions, and your fidgeting is annoying. What do you want to know?" 

"Uh, well," Eddie pauses, then starts again, "They're probably stupid." 

"They usually are," Buck deadpans. Eddie glares at him. "Ask them anyway."

"Fine, but if you laugh at me, you're walking the rest of the way." 

"No I'm not," Buck says, grinning when Eddie lifts a disparaging eyebrow at him, "but continue." 

"Okay, first of all, do you drink blood?" Eddie asks. Buck fights back a smile at the earnest and mildly concerned curiosity in his voice. 

"Sometimes," he answers honestly. "Not always. Bobby's cooking tastes better anyway." 

"Can you turn into a wolf?" Eddie asks, and it seems that now he's started, he can't stop—the questions keep coming. "If you can turn into a wolf, are you like, a vampire wolf? Do you drink wolf blood? Or do you still drink human blood as a wolf? Is it like a video game buff, where you stop being a vampire when you're a wolf? Or are they stackable, so you're both at once? Or—"

"Oh my god, Eddie," Buck cuts him off, unable to stifle his laugh this time. "Did you just compare my life to a  _ video game?" _

He was expecting shock, disbelief, maybe even anger, because those would be logical reactions to discovering the supernatural. But really, this response is just so  _ Eddie.  _

"Hey! I told you not to laugh," Eddie gripes half-heartedly. "Don't make me stop this car." 

"I'm sorry," Buck gasps out between bouts of laughter. "That's just—you're so ridiculous, I'm sorry—"

He dissolves into laughter again, and Eddie just makes a grumbled noise of indignation. They drive for another block before Buck gets a handle on himself again, enough to actually answer Eddie's questions.

"Okay, okay, I'm good, I'm done," Buck says, shifting in his seat and trying to compose himself. He sits up and holds his hand up, counting on his fingers as he answers. 

"Yes, I can turn into a wolf. No, I don't drink wolf blood. I mean, I guess I could? But I don't have to. I don't even know how that would work," he pauses and considers for a second, before shaking his head and continuing, "anyway, no, I don't drink human blood as a wolf either, but I guess I could do that too. If I wanted. And  _ no,  _ it's not like a video game buff, that's so—"

He snorts again, quickly covering his mouth to stifle another chuckle. "Sorry, sorry, I'm not gonna laugh again, I swear." 

"You can turn into a  _ wolf,"  _ Eddie repeats. He's still looking at the road, but his voice is awestruck. 

"Yeah, it's pretty cool," Buck admits, "I'll show you sometime, maybe." 

Eddie goes quiet for a moment, and they're just pulling into his driveway when Buck speaks again. 

"And I'm not 'both at once' or whatever," he explains, "I'm a  _ hybrid. _ It's like, a third option. An entirely seperate thing." 

"So you're..." Eddie thinks for a moment, "...a vampwolf."

Buck stares at him, face twisted into a mildly offended grimace. "Absolutely not." 

"A vampirewolf," Eddie says, turning to climb out of the truck. 

"No," Buck says. He follows him out, grabbing their bags from the back on his way. 

"Werevampire?" Eddie tries. He pats his pockets for his house key. Buck raises an unimpressed eyebrow at him.

"No," Buck says, pulling the key out of Eddie's back pocket and handing it to him. Eddie smiles gratefully at him and moves to unlock the door.

"Wampire," Eddie says, and Buck just looks vaguely disgusted.

"What are you doing?" 

"Well I can't just call you a  _ hybrid, _ " Eddie tells him, "that sounds too clinical. It's weird. What am I supposed to call you?" 

"Just call me Buck, man." 

"Terrible idea. How about a...vaere-volf," Eddie puts on an over-the-top fake accent, sounding like a character out of an old Dracula movie.

"I hate you," Buck says, and steps inside. "Can we order a pizza?" 

"Yeah, I was thinking of trying that new sauce," Eddie agrees, "with the garlic and chicken? It looked good." 

"Sounds alright," Buck says. "You know I'll eat pretty much anything."

He flops onto the couch and grabs Eddie's laptop, pulling it towards him and flipping it open to make the order. He's just clicking onto the pizza place's website when Eddie suddenly looks up and says, "Hold on." 

"What?" Buck looks up at him. 

"Can you even eat garlic?" Eddie asks. He looks worried, suddenly. "I thought vampires couldn't have garlic? Dogs can't have garlic. Does that apply to werewolves too? Was I about to feed you something you're allergic to?" 

"Slow down, dude," Buck says, trying not to laugh again. "The garlic thing, about vampires, is a myth. I love garlic. I want so much garlic on this pizza. It's fine." 

The honest concern on Eddie's face is a little endearing, if Buck is being honest. He knows Eddie is just asking all the questions so that he can understand, and that's fine. It's nice, even.

"Okay, okay. As long as we're not ordering anything potentially dangerous for…" Eddie pauses, thinking, and then grins cheekily at Buck. "...a were-pire."

Buck just groans.  _ "No." _

* * *

Later, as they're finishing up the last slices of pizza and watching the end credits of a Marvel movie scroll across the screen, Eddie turns to look at Buck again.

"Just one more time," he says, "remind me this is really happening." 

"Definitely happening," Buck says.

"Remind me you're not just fucking with me," Eddie says.

"Definitely not just fucking with you," Buck assures him again.

"Okay," Eddie says, and seems to finally settle into the idea. "Can I see the teeth again?" 

**Author's Note:**

> knowing me, this might turn into a series and end up being angst instead of jokes. why am i like this
> 
> drop a comment, or tell me what you think on [tumblr](https://vampirebuckley.tumblr.com/) :)


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